Holla for Homicide!

There are just some people who need killin'. I know, Love and Non-violence are all the rage, but hear me out on this...

Admit it, there's at least one person in your life who is so annoying there is no hope of redemption. Maybe they're socially retarded, incredibly self-absorbed or they have these little habits that make an otherwise peaceful person want to slaughter them.

For me, it's the personal catchphrase that is encouraging homicidal tendencies. I have a friend whose answer for everything is, "Take deep breaths and center your chi."  Well, that and bacon.  

And time-traveling ninja robots.

But maybe it's time to take his advice and center my chi, because the annoying catchphrase is starting to take over my world.

I know, right?!
Dude, you rock!
It's a no-brainer.

I've suffered my share of crap-phrases over the years, but Annoying Co-Worker has amped things up this week.


Five years ago that was a fun phrase. A celebratory exclamation, as in, "The hot guy who's been checking me out all night just asked for my digits. Holla!" Or, "I just got accepted to law school. Can I get a 'Holla?' "

My personal favorite was its more sarcastic usage. "Ooops I crapped my pants. Holla!" Or, "I just drunk dialed my boss. Holla!"

Annoying Co-Worker is not only behind the times, she has no command of the word. "Here's a paperclip, holla!" "Can I borrow a pen? Holla!" Yesterday's Holla-count was 27. I started fashioning a shiv out of my yogurt's foil top.

Today's count is approaching 35. 

Justifiable. Homicide.  

Maybe a garrote from my phone cord?

I want to like her. She's cute, perky and means well. Size Zero with dark hair and giant, china blue eyes. She shares homemade treats. I have coveted her shoes on no less than three occasions this week.


If I do it just right, the blood shouldn't splatter on those cute Steve Madden wedges.


  1. Must. Use powers. Only for. Good.

  2. I knew there was a reason we got along so well. If you need to hide a body, I've got the perfect place.

  3. Thanks, Nicki, knew I could count on you! But you may want to save that perfect hiding spot for say, oh I don't know... demon spawn? Just sayin'.